Ok class, this week we are to complete one recount for your final assessment. You are to write a recount and I am to assess your recount. So… when I am assessing your recount, what am I looking for?
My recount should have…
Have who, where,what,how, when and why
Have Adjectives Correct punctuation
Have onomatopoeia
Have a HOOK
Have at least 3 paragraphs
My recount Past tense not present or future.
correct spelling
Make sure my recount makes sense
Grammar
My recount has no baby words Lvl 2
Title: The trefoil bridge
Paragraph 1: October 25 arriving at the trefoil bridge walking towards the bridge the noises and the darkness
Paragraph 2: the first steps and what's under the bridge under the bridge
Paragraph 3: the feelings and heart beats inside.
Paragraph 4: just crossed how I felt.
...The Trefoil bridge...
October 25. “Errr” goes the brakes. We arrived at the trefoil bridge.I jumped out of the car to cross to the other side. It was dark and creepy. I walked over to the bridge “Errr” I remember hearing noises. Mysterious and spooky noises with chains rattling and wood scraping.
There was only a touch of light from the bright full moon. Freaky trees were hanging over the bridge. I got to the edge of the bridge then stopped.
As I took my first steps across the bridge “boom boom boom”. I looked down there was water flowing fast “ shhh”. It felt like metres off the ground. Big as rocks were under the bridge. I was envisioning trolls and other monsters under the bridge in my head. But I kept walking.
I was scared and my heart was beating as fast as lightning “baboom baboom baboom” I could hear more noises coming all around me “errr, shhhhh, eee ooo eee ooo”. I felt the bridge wobbling side to side. I could feel myself moving, sliding with the bridge. I could feel myself nearly falling off the bridge. But slowly I kept walking.
I had just finished crossing the Trefoil bridge. My heart started to beat slower. I stopped being so scared.The creaks and mysterious noises stopped. Everything was back to normal.I walked around the other side of the bridge not scared of nothing.What a creepy experience that was.
The end...
Hi Jade great piece of writing I liked the you put your feelings and supported your ideas but at the end a bit doesn't make sense.
ReplyDeleteyour sincerely Gabrielle
Hi Jade,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this recount because I can see your effort to keep your readers attention by adding great detail. It is good that you have included the success criteria. An area you could make better is the part about keeping out baby words. For example, you could think of better descriptions than 'big as'. ( The end made sense to me, I think the part Gabrielle realised does not make sense is 'not scared of nothing'). Keep trying to find different ways to start your sentences :0
Hey jade,
ReplyDeleteI really like your story:)
Keep up the good work!!!!
By Chozen